Cold feet

I woke up with a headache.  It's because I decided to give up caffeine yesterday, knowing I will likely not have access to hot water while I'm Japan.  I'm going through caffeine withdraw.  I decided to fix that by giving up caffeine once I'm there.  I can't get through the next several days without my tea.  I suppose I should warn the team once I'm there that I will have two days of massive head aches and that I will be a bit cranky.  What better way to break the ice than to show them I'm human (code for has-the-potential-to-be-bitchy-without-caffeine) as we will be spending 24 hours a day together for the next two months.  Might as well show them the bad side of me right off the bat.  Or, am I doing this the wrong way?  The thing is, I'm not sure I care.

Because.......I'm getting cold feet.  I'm still going.  Don't get me wrong.  My departure is in less than 24 hours.  I have a ton of things to do.  At the top of that list is getting rid of this head ache.  The cold feet part comes from the fact not only am I going into a hell-zone but I'm doing so with complete and total strangers.  I'm capable of faking it and being nice to people I don't particularly like.  The problem is, I've never done that when I've been around those same people for 24 hours a day and have no break from them.  I'm not assuming I won't actually like them.  It's just one of those "great unknowns" that I can't control.  Maybe I will be in such a state of shock dealing with all the devastation around me that I won't necessarily be focusing on the personalities around me.  I just can't say.

So, cold feet.  I'm trying to stay relaxed.  I'm trying to remain calm without denying myself my feelings.  I'm anxious.  I'm confused.  I have too much to do.  My mantra for today is to focus on nice people doing nice things and being nice to myself in the process.  If that means I don't get to every phone call or respond to every e-mail, you'll know not to take it personally, I hope.  Please.  It's not personal.