Unsolicited advice

This post is for the volunteers who have put their lives on hold to go up to the Tohoku region to help with the recovery effort.  It's for those who have been there and returned home, those who are there now and those who are about to embark on this journey.

I should confess I'm not one who takes unsolicited advice well.  This is especially true if I don't agree with the advice given or if I'm not particularly fond of the advice-giver offering their opinion without an invitation.  You're welcome to take it or leave it.  I'm writing this because I wish I had known this before going.  I wish someone had offered this advice to me, even if it had been unsolicited.

For volunteers who have "been there, done that":  unless you are emotionally dead, can honestly say what you saw and experienced has done nothing to you that requires processing I'm guessing the memories of your time have stayed somewhere in you.  Some of these memories may be causing you grief, pain, sorrow, or confusion.  Not doing anything with what's inside, and take it from me, is unhealthy.  I'm not in a position to tell you what to do (I don't know for myself yet what that is), but I speak from experience when I say you must do something.  Keeping the visual images, memories and emotions pushed down deep inside is simply and surely not healthy.  Get it out.  Let them out.  Do something. 

For volunteers who are there now:  find a "safe person" now.  You showed up likely knowing no one.  If so, you had no real support network.  You may have made friends, met people whom you like and trust.  If so, talk to them.  What you see, what you have seen, these experiences and images have done a number on your psyche.  We aren't meant to shut down and go into robot-mode.  We are human.  Even if you have seen the aftermath of a natural disaster somewhere else, what you're seeing in Tohoku is on an entirely different scale.  You can't keep yourself plugged up and expect to go on living your life as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened.

If there is no "safe person" there, get out on your own.  Find time for yourself as hard as that might be.  Cry.  Take a walk.  Sing a song.  Pray.  It's best if you can find a way to connect with someone who will let you sob, listen, comfort and touch you physically and emotionally.  You're going through a traumatic experience whether you know it.  If you can't connect with a "safe person" find a pay phone.  Spring for that expensive call so you can talk to someone who will let you be you.

For volunteers who will go in the future:  ditto on what I just said above.  As amazing of a person as you are, you are not Wonder Woman or Superman.  What you see will do a number on you.  Find a way to let it out in whatever way you see fit.  Take it from me:  not doing this will come back to bite you.  It's painful to be bitten.

The day before I traveled up north, I asked one of the staff members who had worked in disaster zones in the past how he coped with seeing all this devastation and hopelessness.

"You shut down," was his answer.  I didn't like it.  That wasn't good enough.  It felt cold.  Then I got there and found myself numb within two days of driving through Rikuzentakata.  I knew I was shutting down.  I knew I had to but I felt like I was somehow caring less about what I saw and the people with whom I was interacting.

As time went on and I continued to work, still numb, still shut down, it became harder and harder to keep the emotions inside.  I would move my hand down my face, head to chin signaling to myself I had to control my facial expressions as I would say in my head "control, control, control" and this new mantra and ritual I created became my worst enemy.  It helped me function, yes.  It also kept me from feeling.  It's only now that I don't have to "control, control" that I find how deep I buried those feelings.

All this to say, don't do what I did.  I would go back again.  No questions asked.  I would, however, do things very differently.  I would speak up more.  I would chastise people for being culturally insensitive.  I would tell them "I'm not going to say that" as opposed to editing their words to make them sound less hostile, clueless and American.

I can appreciate the fact unsolicited advice is not always welcome.  I'm a walking billboard for this mentality.  Take it or leave it. 

Now, go slice some onions.  That should get the ball rolling.